Peer Review 13

A Local Reflection

1. After globally revising last week, taking a look at the local aspects of my composition I believe really refined my composition to the fullest achievable extent. Finding grammatical errors and properly formatting my citations as well as my works cited page probably did a lot for the form grade of my project, which is very important to me.

2. A personal challenge for me as a perfectionist was mustering up the courage to click submit as I am dangerously close to a B and an inch away from an A so I am really putting my all into this and I know when I click submit that is when I will be able to say I did my all so I am really trying to put maximal effort into this.

3. I think next week, being the production phase of our final project, will be the best of the year as we have a more lenient, relaxed feel and more control of creation in regards to final assignment.

4. I am feeling better about this project than any other project I have completed for this class this semester.

Editorial Report

Both of my Editorial Reports (a) & (b) [selections can be found by clicking links] can be found here... More revision, more blog posts, more work, more reading, here you go. 

Rough Cut:

Re-edited:

1. My content changed when I re-edited it in regards to grammatical, punctuation, and citation errors. I revamped the mechanics of the essay to sharpen its corners in every aspect. 

2. The form changed in that because of the insertion of punctuation and citation the writing became more succinct and sentences became shorter with more interruptions which provides clarity but may have indirectly hindered the flow. We will see what Sean thinks as I am interested to find that happy medium between clarity and choppy.

Revised Post to Peer Reviewers

Fine Cut of my public argument essay!

Audience. Amid my post-production phase of this project, I found that much of my anticipation from the preceding week was true in that the bulk of the cognition required for this assignment is completed. My accomplishments throughout this semester have brought me to this point and I believe I have mastered a personal system for this specific process and hope to follow it throughout my academic career to produce better compositions.

Academic. After reviewing my rough cut, I believe I have eliminated many of the illuminated weaknesses and hope to only have strengths remaining. If not, I would be more than appreciative of any peer's comments in regards to something I missed or did incorrectly. The information needed to accurately assess this public argument is presented in the academic essay.

Peer Review

Reflection on Production

Last production phase? Last reflection.

1. The major success of the week I thought was the inclusion of peer review and additional refinement even before publication of my rough cut which was unique to this process more than the others. For instance, the preliminary editorial report required a revision before even going out to my peers for revision.

2. The challenge of this week was the timing and assimilation of this course's workload with my other courses which are just as strenuous as the semester comes to an end and many professors are squeezing in every last nugget of work they can. My timeliness was in question but as always I am hoping Sean is valuing quality over a time stamp on a blog post.

3. I think next week will go much smoother based on my skimming evaluation of the process work required next week.

4. I am feeling the best about this project so far compared to the other three as I am writing in my comfort zone and genre as well as writing something I am knowledgable and passionate about.

Open Post to Peer Reviewers

To begin, here is the Rough Cut of my public argument for the Project 3 assignment.

Audience: I anticipate the post-production process to be much more relaxed as much of my organization and content-production process work has been completed, especially in regard to the Standard College Essay genre. I accomplished a lot in a timely manner and I am slowly but surely creeping towards my primary goal when entering this class: to stop procrastinating. 

Author: Much of the needed information for this project is presented in the essay itself. This is a re-edited version of my rough cut so any weaknesses, please point out to me! My major strength would be the organization as the multitude of controversies build to the looming and ultimate conclusion of the academic essay.

Editorial Report

1. The content between my two selections from my rough cut and my revisions bear identical similarities, but the form and style between the two is what differentiates. I believe my content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited selections because the notorious verbosity of my usual writing is cut to a minimum where the information is being succinctly communicated but the sophistication of the piece is still in tact.

2. The form changed in that rather than having a plethora of verbose, elongated compound-complex sentences and an absence of punctuation, the final project will be more clear and less overboard in its delivery. This is new ground for me in my writing career so we will see how it pans out both in terms of grading and the process work..


a.
Selection from Rough Cut: First Body Paragraph

Qatar's controversial hosting of the 2022 World Cup sparked a long-ignored flame that is corruption among the higher-ups in FIFA and global juggernauts alike across the globe. The world could not deny the glaring mark of bribery on the 2022 World Cup. First alleged in May of 2011, FIFA and then Vice President Jack Warner internally investigated Mohammed bin Hammam’s, President of the Asian Football Confederation, role as Qatar’s proxy to ‘buy’ the World Cup bid via payment to executive officials sitting on the selection committee. It was then ironically discovered FIFA’s very own VP, Warner, was compensated with $2,000,000 in return for Qatar’s success in obtaining the World Cup bid. 

Re-edited Selection

The controversy regarding Qatar’s role as host of the 2022 FIFA World Cup ignited instantly following FIFA Sepp Blatter’s announcement on December 2^nd, 2010. This newest tremor in the world of soccer sparked a long-ignored flame that is corruption among the higher-ups in FIFA and global juggernauts alike across the globe. The Qatari bid at first glance seemed innocent and groundbreaking for the sport, but as the veil lifted, the spiders hidden in the selection committee’s closet came spiraling out. Qatar officials spun the troubling allegations as actions of envy and malice conducted by jealous, competing countries; but, the world could not deny the glaring mark of bribery on the 2022 World Cup. First alleged in May of 2011, FIFA and then Vice President Jack Warner internally investigated Mohammed bin Hammam’s, President of the Asian Football Confederation, role as Qatar’s proxy to ‘buy’ the World Cup bid via payment to executive officials sitting on the selection committee. It was then ironically discovered FIFA’s very own VP, Warner, was compensated with $2,000,000 in return for Qatar’s success in obtaining the World Cup bid. Additionally, it was discovered that the previously mentioned bin Hammam had allocated nearly $5,000,000 to Football officials to vote for Qatar during the selection process (Wright). Soccer, a global sweetheart, had just gone behind the back of billions.

b.
Selection from Rough Cut: Conclusion

Is it illegal? Is it discriminatory? No, but it is time to act. The overwhelming number of troubling and outrageous controversies is not something to be considered a norm of for a world-renowned organization such as FIFA.  The 2022 Qatar World Cup’s overwhelmingly corrupt nature and obvious detriment in face of its small reward has yielded nothing but scrutiny from millions and malice by many, the call for action is here, and the time is now.

Re-edited Selection

Those who object the notoriously controversial nature of the 2022 Qatar World Cup claim the illegality of stripping a country of its hosting rights and the discriminating-bias of the media towards Middle Eastern countries and its people (Davis). The false claims of an absence of legal grounds and the fallacy in associating a Qatar World Cup with the progressive society in our world is what is fallaciously dignifying the Qatari bid for the 2022 World Cup. The overwhelming number of troubling and outrageous controversies is not something to be considered a norm of for a world-renowned organization such as FIFA. The accumulation of economic, sociocultural, and geopolitical detriment should be an alarming sign for those responsible to strip Qatar of its bid. The 2022 Qatar World Cup’s overwhelmingly corrupt nature and obvious detriment in face of its miniscule reward has yielded nothing but scrutiny from millions and malice by many, the call for action is here, and the time is now.

Reflection on Another Attempt at Not Procrastinating

Getting closer to the end, here's my retrospective reflection on my Public Argument's procedural composition process.

1. The successes of this week can be best surmised in that everything is in at the deadline. I am beginning to appreciate the deadlines more in that I am not holistically procrastinating on the projects and am improving my composition process (don't get me wrong, still procrastinating as it is mid-day Sunday and I am here blogging).

2. The failure of the week is that after even making a production schedule, my busy week combined with my negligible work habits I procrastinated yet again. Albeit, I had an overwhelming amount of class work and may be submitting one blog post a few minutes late tonight, but I hope Sean values quality over speed of submission.

3. I will make a concerted effort to be much better about the post-production phase as I am going to Coachella Valley Music Festival and will not be available to complete things over the weekend so I am in sort of a hell week having to finish the process by Thursday.

4. I am feeling much better about this project than I have before about any other project as I feel more in my comfort zone. This is similar to what I did in years past of my academic career (get topic, research, assemble essay) so I am more in the gist of the entire composing process.

Peer Review

a. For Production week, I looked over Malik's Production Schedule. I always believe it to be interesting to complete a week and see how well it accorded to the original intentions/structure/plan/etc. I unfortunately strayed away from the path I had created via my production schedule so I am interested in how it panned out for other students and seeing that Malik had a similar schedule to mine made me inclined to peer review and evaluate his respective schedule.

It looks like he has his resources covered so he omitted that from the schedule so as far as that goes, I believe he already has the assets he needs. I believe he can utilize my review in that I conducted a similar schedule for producing my content and offered my retrospective opinions regarding the process, particularly the amount of time spent on each part of the composition he is creating. The Student Guide offers particular advice regarding the importance of bringing everything together to create a relevant conclusion so I attempted to incorporate that into my evaluation. Overall, it was good to see my peers in similar mindsets as myself.

b. I wandered over to Section 6 for the secondary portion of the peer review process for this week. I evaluated Gaby Marty's Production Report and made some content suggestions. If I were to add one thing to this opening section, it would be an explicit definition of child-rearing. I will admit this is a concept that I do not totally comprehend just by name-drop so as a member of the audience who is not familiar and would like to be invited into the argument, a definition would have been appreciated by me. Aside from that, I believe content-wise Gaby is doing a great job. As an opening section, the form may be critiqued in that it is a bit lengthy and casual to powerfully hook the audience's interest in the argument at hand in terms of the audience a Standard College Essay aims to entice. I can easily tell where the composition is being led and prepares for me what is to come in the piece, the level of detail, voice, and development is great in her piece. 

Production Report

The form of the Standard College Essay possesses a heavy presence in my adaptations in that my composition must be consistent with the genre. The formal, informative, purposeful tone of a college essay is something I specifically attempted to employ in my work. Additionally, the use of citations and overwhelming textual product in the genre is essential in my Public Argument as I plan to integrate quotations with citations of credible, respected sources. This integration I believe will assist me in my formal and purposeful thematic presence throughout Project 3.

The production of this raw material was better than that of projects' past. The only double-take, so to speak, when adapting content from my outline was proper citation and integration.

Outline Item: Introduction

Adaptation of Outline:

• Three hundred million people: the population of the United States of America. Also, the estimated number of active soccer players in the world. The unmatched popularity of the sport yields bountiful riches for many and ignites a fiery passion in many more. The magnitude of an entity like this can impact lives and nations, for better or for worse. On December 2nd, 2010, Sepp Blatter, President of the global juggernaut that is FIFA (International Federation of Association Football), awarded the privilege to host the 2022 World Cup to the 158th largest nation in the world, Qatar, and the soccer world was set ablaze. Accusations swirled, controversies erupted, and calls for action followed. The previously stated fiery passion and unparalleled global magnitude of the sports culminate for an unprecedented and sometimes unreasonable time in futbol history. The 3.4 billion people across the globe captivated by the quadrennial sports phenomenon that is the FIFA World Cup now watch as the most controversial period in futbol history unfolds.

Outline Item: Refute argument against

Adaptation of Outline:

Sean Gregory, a senior writer that covers sports, substantiates Qatar's claim to the 2022 World Cup and that the expenses are what many countries have gone through for the ultimate prize - a garnered reputation in the sports world and a bolstered economy. Additionally,  in a video essay broadcasted by CNN, Hassan Al-Thawadi (Secretary General of the Qatar 2022 Supreme Committee) states Qatar's concerted effort to immediately stop migrant worker abuse and the overall efforts to better the perception and process of putting on the world's greatest sporting spectacle.